nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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