It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
