I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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