I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You took a bar mat shot.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
