just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
