I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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