What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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