thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize