I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
