too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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