then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
