there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
