Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
