I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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