You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
