you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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