I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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