btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
