Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
