i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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