somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
