i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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