the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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