Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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