oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
