so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
