dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
