I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
