I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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