if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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