The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
