never play flip cup with pint glasses
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
