I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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