Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
