we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
