My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
