Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
