Taylor Swift is so right about you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
