she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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