I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
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