Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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