Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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