I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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