so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
