i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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