so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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