Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
