cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
