trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just invented taco cereal.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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