A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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