What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
