i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
