is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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