Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
