I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
