Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You can't just leave with hair like that
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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