This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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