I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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