This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
