Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
