You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
