we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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