So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize