So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
