and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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