Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
