The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
