he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
